Sketch Idea Featuring Norm Macdonald

(In cursive)         Things that ruined my life


                                  Norm Macdonald

(cuts to Norm on a stool with a cigarette contemplating life.)

Norm: People always ask if I’m related to McDonalds. When I was in high school my peers called me Norm Macdonalds, for god sake my fiance left me because she found out I wasn’t the heir to the McDonalds fortune.(short pause) It ruined my life. 

(Looks away into the distance)

Narrator: This has been, 

(In cursive) Things that ruined my life


                         Norm Macdonald

Not actually written by Norm Macdonald.

Joke Rocky LaPorte should read

Joke in the style of Rocky LaPorte:

I carry a lot of cards in my wallet from different places iv’e been to over the years.

So the other day I was talking to this woman I’m dating. She says “baby, i’m pregnant, what should we do?” 

I pulled out my wallet gave her a card and said here is a good abortion clinic my uncle owns back in rolling hills, it’s called “Hey, hook this.” then I said no wait, that’s the bait and tackle shop he owns on the side for extra cash. 

It’s a tough economy.