Sketch Idea Featuring Norm Macdonald

(In cursive)         Things that ruined my life

                                          By

                                  Norm Macdonald

(cuts to Norm on a stool with a cigarette contemplating life.)

Norm: People always ask if I’m related to McDonalds. When I was in high school my peers called me Norm Macdonalds, for god sake my fiance left me because she found out I wasn’t the heir to the McDonalds fortune.(short pause) It ruined my life. 

(Looks away into the distance)

Narrator: This has been, 

(In cursive) Things that ruined my life

                                  By

                         Norm Macdonald

Not actually written by Norm Macdonald.

Joke Rocky LaPorte should read

Joke in the style of Rocky LaPorte:

I carry a lot of cards in my wallet from different places iv’e been to over the years.

So the other day I was talking to this woman I’m dating. She says “baby, i’m pregnant, what should we do?” 

I pulled out my wallet gave her a card and said here is a good abortion clinic my uncle owns back in rolling hills, it’s called “Hey, hook this.” then I said no wait, that’s the bait and tackle shop he owns on the side for extra cash. 

It’s a tough economy.