Sketch Idea #1

Affirmative Action hire for douche bags.

actual text

Me: Are you alright?

Her:Yea Y

Me: Because I heard you’ve been cracking open beers with those manly hands. hahaha just playing.

Marriage

What makes you think you could pull off a marriage when you’ve seen so many fail?

90,159 Plays

You say you wanna stay by my side
Darlin’ your heads not right…

(Source: limitlessplaylist, via ezrasdevicepresident)

Night Shift

My night time is in the morning.

The Last Bowel Movement..

..came after Jesus’s Last Supper.

hannahorvath:

"Can you turn this up, please? Please? You won’t be sorry."